I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
