The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
