just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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