i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
