Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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