Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the night ended with taco bell and tears
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
