In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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