Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
