Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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