does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
