I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
