Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
