he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
