My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize