Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
