Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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