whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
