The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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