he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
