i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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