Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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