erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
