Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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