It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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