Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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