Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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