I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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