I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
