someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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