I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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