I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
