her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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