okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
