she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well most of my day revolves around power hour
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
