dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
