I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
