ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
