fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Randomize