it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
