I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
