theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
