i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize