Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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