I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
