Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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