Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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