Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
