And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
