There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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