I want you more than these girls want KFC
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did i walk over a car last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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