im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
