I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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