thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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