Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We left an ass print on the piano.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
