Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How external is "for external use only"?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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