WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
