Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
