I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
