Just mADE A PArabola og urine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize