My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
