Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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