I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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