I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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