I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found a bag of teeth...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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