DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
