i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
