I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
