I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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