who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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